Hey! Wait a minute...

Yes, my last two posts are gone.

The first has been deleted because I have experienced a delay in getting my hands on Axe! and I do not want to jump the gun.  The most recent was deleted because I believe that my thoughts on the subject of the exploitation film's treatment of male sexuality needs to be scrutinized and revised before I alienate everybody.

Thank you for your understanding.  Now!  On to new business.

Our next Video Nasty is Lucio Fulci's Quella Villa Accanto Al Cimitero, better known as The House By The Cemetery to us English speakers.  Lucio Fulci is a legend in the world of Eurohorror, and the films he produced between 1979 and 1982 are some of the finest to be found.  Fulci is one of only two directors with three films on the DPP list (the other is Jesus Franco of Spain), and we will also be exploring some of his other films that did not make the list.  Fulci, known to his fans as "The Godfather Of Gore", is either a misunderstood genius or an overrated hack, depending on who you ask.  I recently asked Deran Sarafian, star of Fulci's Zombi 3, about his opinion of Lucio, and his answer was not a glowing remembrance...but anyone who has heard the story of Zombi 3's production knows that the situation was less than ideal.  Producer Claudio Fragasso brought in Bruno Mattei to shoot supplementary footage, with the resulting film representing a uniquely turgid experience.  However, I don't think Mr. Sarafian is alone in his opinion, and when Fulci died in 1996 of complications stemming from his diabetes, he hadn't made a film in five years and few in the Italian film industry attended his funeral.  But love or hate the man, his work is another story.  With a directing career spanning over 30 years, he directed films in every genre, but the Gothic horrors of the early 1980s remain his most well-known and beloved work amongst his fans.  The House By The Cemetery employs the most iconic of the Gothic motifs: the creepy old house, of course.  Here's a trailer for this 1981 classic:



The stars are folks we'll be seeing again: Catriona MacColl is the female lead in Fulci's other Gothic masterpieces Paura Nella Citta Dei Morti Viventi and E Tu Vivrai Nel Terrore...L'Aldila.  Paolo Malco shines as the criminologist in Lo Squartatore Di New York.  Ania Pieroni is featured in Dario Argento's two entries on the Video Nasties list, Inferno and Tenebrae.  Also on hand are Daniela Doria, who Fulci described as "one of my favorite actresses...I killed her so many times!", and Giovanni Frezza, who should have sued the production company over the awful dubbing he received.

Anyone interested in learning more about Lucio Fulci's life and work is directed to the book Beyond Terror: The Films Of Lucio Fulci by Stephen Thrower, an exhaustive overview loaded with photos and descriptions of many harder-to-find films along with the many "classics".  My hat goes off to Mr. Thrower for his hard work, which has produced an invaluable reference volume that no fan of Eurohorror should be without.

I'll see you soon, dear friends, with Video Nasty #3, so take all necessary precautions: lock the doors, shut out the lights, and grab a knife...I think I hear something in the basement.  I'll go check it out.  You wait here.  And here's the phone if you need 911.  Cuz my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

Nine Years Ago Today...

What in the hell do the terrorist attacks on New York City nine years ago have to do with the Video Nasties?

Charles McCrann.

Charles McCrann worked for Marsh & McLennan, a financial services company whose offices were floors 93 - 100 of 1 World Trade Center.  American Airlines Flight 11 struck Marsh & McLennan's offices and killed all inside, including Mr. McCrann.

Charles McCrann loved movies, and he even made one.  He wrote, produced, directed, edited and starred in Bloodeaters, also known as Toxic Zombies and (its' Video Nasty title) Forest Of Fear.

Here's to you, boss.

My name's Justin.  JustinCase.

Glad That It's Over...

Video Nasty #2

Faces Of Death

1978

BANNED IN 43 COUNTRIES!

NTSC Running Time: 104:39

Directed by Conan Le Cilaire (Real name: John Alan Schwartz.  Conan The Killer, get it?)

Written by Alan Black (Schwartz again.  He is also credited with 2nd Unit Direction as "Johnny Getyerkokov".  Sigh.)

Produced by Rosilyn T. Scott

Starring: Dr. Frances B. Gross (With an umlaut over the "o".  Michael Carr portrays "Dr. Gross".)

Body Count: 12 (That's humans who meet their end onscreen.  Including corpses and animals, the number would be several times larger.)

Availability: On DVD from Gorgon Video as "The Original Faces Of Death 30th Anniversary Edition"

BBFC Status

Why it's a Nasty: Besides the obvious?  Animal cruelty.  Lots of it.

What was cut: 2 minutes 19 seconds of animal footage comprising an illegal dogfight between two pitbulls and a monkey being "beaten to death"...although the BBFC acknowledges that the monkey was not actually harmed.

Current UK status: Received an 18 certificate in cut form on August 22, 2003.  Available from International Trading (UK) Ltd.

Faces Of Death was successfully prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act, making it one of the DPP39.

Fuck this movie.

I never wanted to see Faces Of Death.  Not at all.  Before last night, I had seen the first fifteen minutes at a party as a teenager.  I grew bored and annoyed quickly (It was following a screening of nine inch nails' The Broken Movie which is entirely fabricated but much more realistic and effective), and left the room for a much more important endeavour: finding some weed.  I didn't find any weed, but I had at least saved myself from watching this atrocity.

Or so I thought.

One of the reasons I'm so fascinated by the saga of the Video Nasties is that the films on the list were not selected with any rhyme or reason.  Different distributors had released a wide spectrum of low-budget and obscure films independent of each other, and when the shit hit the fan, it was a matter of chance what had been released and which of those fell afoul of the law.  Well, one of the titles that (rightly) landed on the DPP list was Faces Of Death, and shitfire, I had to watch it.  As I said, I did not want to see it one iota and I am thrilled to have it over and done with.

Presented as a "Mondo" documentary, the film is narrated by Michael Carr as "Dr. Frances B. Gross" (pronounced Groose due to the umlaut I don't know how to type on here).  Dr. Gross claims to have been inspired to show the world the face of Death because of a recurring dream of an endless funeral, and his comments throughout are probably the best thing about the film, as (though it is an actor reading a script) he does try to be helpful and his intentions to help others come to terms with what death is seem sincere.  But it's still an actor reading a script, not a dedicated pathologist following his dreams as he claims.  In what is supposed to be a buildup to the rough stuff, the first half hour is devoted to "hunters", which is an excuse to show footage of slaughterhouses, tribal ritual animal slaughter, the dogfight and monkey-bashing that the BBFC took issue with, and finally, the clubbing of baby seals for their fur, a practice that I believed to be extinct...until I looked up "Hakapik" and learned that the practice is still very much alive.  Wow.

There is footage of autopsies, surgeries, morgues, accident victims.  The most disturbing footage for me was the montage of naked, elderly corpses stacked on morgue tables presented just before Dr. Gross' introduction, and the black-and-white newsreel footage of Nazi holocaust victims, corpses so emaciated they resembled a bundle of sticks being heaved from grave to grave by unidentified workers (whether Axis or Allies, I couldn't tell).

The film is often touted for its' footage of "real" human deaths.  Well, it's true...but don't believe that all of what you see is genuine.  The multiple angle sequences belie the fakery, and Schwartz has admitted to augmenting real footage with reenacted aftermath.  Example: Mary Ellen Brighton was filmed jumping to her death from a building.  The footage of her jump and impact is real, and stands out as the only sequence in the film that feels genuine.  Schwartz augmented this footage with a shot of a "corpse" on the ground in a pool of blood.  Other than Ms. Brighton, the only death shown that appeared real to my eyes was that of a protester at Three-Mile Island who immolated himself in a show of disdain for nuclear power...but even that might have been faked.

Listen, if you're a ghoulish type and you want to see someone die on camera, go to YouTube and type in the words "Budd Dwyer".  The few minutes of footage you find there will be much more disturbing and graphic than anything in Faces Of Death, and you're welcome to it.  Mr. Dwyer's story is quite fascinating and his final act and the reasons behind it are thought-provoking (and inspiring, as both Filter and Rapeman have recorded songs about him).  On the subject of televised suicide, if Mr. Schwartz had been able to track down that of newscaster Christine Chubbuck, that would have impressed me, as her on-camera swan song was performed several years before the advent of the VCR, and the master tape has been given to her family, who have never divulged its' fate.

The film ends with a "birth" (a woman on a table is shown from the neck up moaning, followed by the sound of a baby crying, wow, what verisimilitude) and the closing credits roll over life-affirming scenes and music, supposedly helping us see how wonderful it is to be alive and how we need not fear death since we've now witnessed so much.  Sorry, fellows, that doesn't fly.  Faces Of Death was made by sick fucks for sick fucks, and having so much of it be faked just makes me feel even more animosity towards the makers.  I suppose there are folks who really appreciate Faces, and others who think it is a "fun" movie (like parties comprised entirely of teenage boys who don't know where to get good weed), but I am not one of them.  I urge you not to waste your time, and again, if you really feel the need to watch someone die, look up Pennsylvania State Treasurer R. Budd Dwyer, a man who wanted you to witness his death.

Whew!  Thank goodness that's over!  I'm now getting ready to get to the good stuff.  The next one will be lots more fun, I promise.  I've got a few that I own that are old favorites...and loyal reader Sally (that's her over there with Robert Englund) just gave me a DVD copy of The Burning in all its' uncut glory.  Thanks, Sally!  Until next time, I'll keep on keeping on.  Because my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

Due To Circumstances Beyond Our Control...

Something died in my house.  A creature of unknown species burrowed its' way into the depths of our home and expired, leaving behind an unholy stench.  There is no way to retrieve the rotting corpse without destroying the house completely, so I am not at home.  I tell you all this by way of explaining why you are not reading about the horrific and unnecessary spectacle that is Faces Of Death right this very minute.  It seems that I cannot see the face of Death when confronted with the stench of Death.  My deepest apologies, and you will be returned to your regularly scheduled Nasties later this week.  Until then, I would like to recommend a quick trip down memory lane...

When was the last time you watched Halloween III: Season Of The Witch?  I'm dead serious.  This much maligned film is worth another look.  Yes, you can drive a truck through the plot holes...but the same is true of every other Halloween film, especially those sad attempts that came after III (We're talking original series here, Rob Zombie's films are a separate beast...and he knew enough to stop at two).  The first two films told the entire story of Michael Myers, period.  The only way to continue the series was with new stories, and Season Of The Witch (not to be confused with the George A. Romero film of the same title) delivered the shocks and grossouts that the Myers films did not.  Tom Atkins is an underrated actor, and his performance here is pitch-perfect as the everyman who discovers a twisted conspiracy to kill thousands of innocent children.  Also of note is Dan O'Herlihy, the mastermind who wants the kids dead, and the "Two more days 'til Halloween" jingle that runs throughout the picture.

I had been told repeatedly that I should not see Halloween III, so I made sure to see it as quickly as possible, sure that it had been unjustly panned and its' true merits overlooked.  As usual, I was right.  The film took me on a ride I enjoyed thoroughly, and the ambiguous, probably-a-downer ending brought a maniacal laugh to my lips.  Put down your own expectations, watch the film on its' own terms, and see the beginning of what should have been: a series of films telling different scary stories that all take place on Halloween.

For the record: Michael Myers died in Haddonfield Hospital on Halloween, October 31, 1978, both eyes shot out by Laurie Strode, consumed by the flames from a gas explosion triggered by Dr. Samuel Loomis.  Any films featuring Michael Myers that have a number higher than II after the title are utter bullshit and inferior to the first three films.  I should point out that I've seen 4-8 and enjoyed them all, even though they were fantasies and did not contain the words "John Carpenter" on the opening credits, a distinction that the first three can all lay claim to.  (Okay, theme song credits excluded.)

I'll shut up about this now, but I wanted to check in and let all three of you know that I'm not slacking, I'm temporarily closed due to a slight case of DEATH.  I should have been prepared for this, but even the best can't see the future.  But I'll make preparations for next time.  Cuz my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

12A + R18 = Huh?: A Guide To BBFC Classifications

For the two people who read this, here's a brief primer on the BBFC classification system.  (For anyone in the UK who happens to drop in, have some tea and biscuits and we'll get back to the important stuff in a little while.  And save me a cup of that tea, I could do with a spot myself.)

Originally, the BBFC had only two classes: U for Universal and A for Adult.  Either way, they were just an advisory, with no restrictions on admissions.  These stood from 1913 until 1932, when another classification was added: H for Horror!  78 years later, I think this one should be added to our ratings system here, make the admission the same as that of an NC-17 film, and finally get an uncut release of Murder-Set-Pieces.  Anyway, in 1951 they changed H for Horror to X for No One Under 16 Permitted, Kid, Get The Bloody Hell Out Of Here, the first rating that restricted admission based on age.  In 1970, A stood for Advisory, AA stood for No One Under 14, and X stood for I Don't Care If You're 17 Now, You Gotta Be 18 To See This Picture!

If this is confusing, don't worry, it just gets more complicated.

In 1982, there's U, PG (Parental Guidance, of course), and now three age-restricted categories: 15, 18, and R18.  The R is for Restricted, because (being, you know, classy and polite) P for Porno was a little too lowbrow.

All that above only applied to films released in theatres.  Here is a statement from the BBFC itself regarding the advent of the VCR and the insurgence of exploitation films on video:

"At the time there was no formal requirement that videos should be classified by the BBFC, with the result that a number of small and enterprising companies exploited the loophole by releasing strong horror films onto the video market without submitting them to the BBFC. Not only did the lack of video classification mean that material that had been cut or rejected by the BBFC (or which would not have been classified by the BBFC) was freely available. It also meant that such material was available to persons of all ages, including children."

The above quote is taken from an article relating to the classification of Cannibal Holocaust on the SBBFC website, a BBFC resource for film students.  The language strikes me as contradictory, stating that there was no requirement to submit films for video, then calling the lack of regulation a "loophole".  A lack of regulation isn't a loophole, it's a lack of regulation.  Loophole implies that laws were already in place and they found a way around them.  But I digress.

I have seen Cannibal Holocaust, and I strongly agree with the BBFC that the film should not be available to children.  Watching the film is an upsetting experience, even for an adult, and a child exposed to it would undoubtedly be traumatized.  When the film was finally submitted for a formal classification in 2001, it was passed with an 18 and had nearly six minutes cut from the running time.  We'll explore what those cuts were and why they were made in detail later, but I think it is also important to acknowledge that the BBFC saw that the film, while despicable and disturbing in many ways, also has something to say, and a film that brings across the message in as strong a manner as Cannibal Holocaust is nearly impossible to ignore, whether you appreciate the film itself or not.

So in 1985 the classifications were revised again to include video as well as film, with some films being cut more for a video release due to home viewing being a more accessible arena for the young.  The only addition to the ratings was the Uc for Universal particularly suited for young Children.  This has since been discontinued.  The 12 was added in 1989 (No One Under 12 Admitted), and the 12A in 2002 (Under 12 Admitted With Adult Supervision).

That's the history.  To sum up, here's what the classifications are as of today:

U (Babes In Toyland)
PG (Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure)
12 (Sweet November)
12A (Something's Gotta Give)
15 (Speed)
18 (My Own Private Idaho)
R18 (Pizza Boy Gangbang, which does not feature Keanu Reeves.  Unfortunately.)

Few of the films on the list of Video Nasties has been released with a certificate lower than 18, often requiring cuts to achieve even that.  Hopefully this leaves you a little less lost when the subject of certificates is broached.  Until next time, I'll be here waiting for you if you need me.  Because my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

And So It Begins...

Video Nasty #1

Blood Feast

1963

NOTHING SO APPALLING IN THE ANNALS OF HORROR!

NTSC Running Time: 66:55

Directed by Herschell Gordon Lewis

Written by A. Louise Downe, with uncredited story contribution from Lewis & Friedman (The A. stands for Allison.  She was Mrs. H.G. Lewis until 1971.)

Produced by David F. Friedman

Starring: Thomas Wood, Mal Arnold, Connie Mason, and numerous victims.

Body Count: 7

Naked People: 1

Availability: Easily acquired on DVD from Something Weird Video.

BBFC Status

Why it's a Nasty: Wall-to-wall dismemberment of women who are going to be cannibalized.

What was cut: 23 seconds of a woman's bare back being whipped.

Current UK status: The uncut version received an 18 certificate on April 5, 2005.
Blood Feast was successfully prosecuted under the Obscene Publications Act of 1959 (OPA), making it one of the DPP39.

At long last!  The trip through the Nasties begins!

When nudist camp movies weren't pulling in the money they used to, H. G. Lewis and his business partner David F. Friedman hit on an area of film that had yet to be explored: Gore.

Blood.

Guts.

Grue.

Viscera.

First shown in Peoria, IL in July of 1963, Blood Feast is beautiful in that special "so bad, it's good" kinda way.  The Setup: Fuad Ramses sells a book called "Ancient Weird Religious Rites" through mail-order and murders the nice young girls who answer his ad.  He's using one piece of each victim to prepare the Feast of Ishtar...which he will feed to a bunch of unsuspecting partygoers...because he's also a caterer!  Will Fuad achieve his dream of serving up the Blood Feast?

Played over-the-moon bonkers by Mal Arnold, Fuad is a great, kitschy villain.  He speaks like a crazy person (which he is) and loves to say "Five Thousand Years Ago!" whenever possible.  There's a new corpse about every nine minutes, and the camera makes sure to linger on innards and mutilated victims...and lamps...and landscapes.  Every shot is held too long to pad the running time, and it adds to the campy appeal.

The gore effects are surprisingly good for a film that cost less than Clerks, and the blood here is a bright crimson that should be used more in splatter movies.  Brains, guts, a tongue, what might have been a spine, a leg, and assorted squishy red things occupy a decent portion of the running time.  The loose plot is an excuse to have women attacked and dissected, the rest doesn't matter.  Lewis shot the film himself, and the camera jerks, zooms twitchily, and at one point a scene ends in such a way that I think he ran out of film.  The dialogue will have you chuckling, especially that of the cops, who bumble through everything like refugees from a Police Academy prequel, ignoring clue after obvious clue.  This movie was, for the filmmakers, a shameless cash grab, and it worked: Since no one else was supplying copious blood on the big screen, Lewis and Friedman raked in 160 times their budget at drive-ins coast to coast, guaranteeing that more of the same would follow.  A new kind of film had been born, and its' success helped push the boundaries of what could be done in the movies.

I really enjoyed Blood Feast, and I was surprised.  I've never been much for the campy side of movies, but this one was so earnest in its' gratuitousness that it won me over completely.  I love movies that say "I'm trashy and proud of it!  How about a hug?" and this one did just that.  Don't look for subtext, don't look for logic, don't look for anything of quality, just hang in there for that next gross-out sequence.  If you've been exposed to modern horror films (and I'm gonna bet you have), this will probably not freak you out, but if you appreciate film history, it's important to see, and if you appreciate unintentional comedy, you're stoked for an hour.  A solid beginning to my endeavour.

I'm hungry.  Anyone know where I can get a decent rare steak at this hour?  Good thing I keep some emergency food supplies close at hand.  Because my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

Back To The Beginning...And Then Straight To Hell!

After much deliberation, I've decided to begin with the two films on the list that I want to see the least: Herschell Gordon Lewis' 1963 groundbreaker Blood Feast and John Alan Schwartz's 1978 pseudodocumentary Faces Of Death.

The former was the first American "gore" film, which means that it was the first (successful) film that was made behind the idea of "I could sell a metric shitload of tickets if I made a movie that had people being ripped apart in it".  It is the oldest of the 72, one of four Nastys produced in the 1960s, making it a logical place to start.  I'm hoping to be able to include a trailer.  Let's see...




Faces Of Death is the only one on the list I just flat-out do not want to see.  I can take gruesome, disturbing, gory...I'm writing an internet column about the Video Nastys, consarn it!  It's the "Mondo" documentary idea that makes my stomach churn.  For those who don't know, a Mondo movie shows you shocking documentary footage from around the world for the express purpose of shocking "civilized" folk.  All the footage in Faces Of Death was purportedly real, but that's been shown to be mostly false, and the genuine footage is mostly confined to animal cruelty.  The footage of actual human death is therefore minimal, but at this juncture I am unsure just how much and what it will consist of.  Here's a trailer for a rerelease three years ago...



With these two less-than-appetizing films out of the way, I will breathe much easier...but not too easy.  The remaining seventy films will be digested in a recognizable but offbeat order yet to be determined...and there's more than enough real footage of evil acts, depraved stories from Beyond the realms of good taste, and shameless exploitation profiteering Beyond these two nuisances...the iceberg's tip we have yet to encounter, this be only a light dusting of snow.  Are you all ready?  I sure am.  Cuz my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

The Lay Of The Land (Of The Dead)

So a quick perusal of the Netflix and my personal collection shows that I have ready access to forty-seven of the seventy-two!  I did not think the number would be that high, and I am quite pleased.  Here, for your perusal, are the twenty-five films that are a bit harder to acquire (in alphabetical order by their Nasty titles):

Blood Bath (aka A Bay Of Blood, Twitch Of The Death Nerve, many more.  Netflix offers a "save".  I was surprised, as I have rented it from them before.)
Blood Rites (aka The Ghastly Ones.  Again, NF offers a "save".  On DVD from Something Weird Video.)
Delirium (aka Psycho Puppet.  Unavailable on DVD.  Not to be confused with Delirium (1972) or Delirium: Foto De Gioia)
Evilspeak (Actually, NF has this, but I'm holding out for the yet-to-be-released-anywhere 103-minute Directors' Cut.)
Expose (So far, this has yet to see any kind of US release, but I've picked up some rumors that one is forthcoming in the near future.  It is the only UK film to have made the list.)
Forest Of Fear (Original title: Bloodeaters, available on DVD as Toxic Zombies. NF offers a "save".)
Frozen Scream (Unavailable on DVD.)
The Gestapo's Last Orgy (Available on DVD under the title Caligula Reincarnated As Hitler.  Yikes.)
Human Experiments (Unavailable on DVD.)
I Miss You, Hugs And Kisses (That title is not a typo.  Starring Elke Sommer, this Canadian film has been released on VHS in the USA as Left For Dead.  It's also gone under the title Drop Dead Dearest.)
Island Of Death (Available on DVD from Image.)
Love Camp 7 (Available on DVD from Something Weird.)
Mardi Gras Massacre (Availability sketchy.  DVDs are probably bootlegs, VHS long out of print.)
Night Of The Bloody Apes (Available on DVD from Something Weird.  NF offers a "save".)
Night Of The Demon (Available on DVD, prints rumored to be of very low quality.)
Nightmare Maker (aka Butcher Baker Nightmare Maker and Night Warning.  Unavailable on DVD.)
Nightmare In A Damaged Brain (aka Nightmare.  Unavailable on DVD.)
Possession (Available on DVD from Anchor Bay.  NF offers a "save".)
Pranks (aka The Dorm That Dripped Blood. Available on DVD.  NF offers a "save".)
Revenge Of The Boogeyman (Available on DVD as Boogeyman II in an altered version.  NF offers a "save", but I am hoping to find a non "redux" version, as that was what made the DPP list.)
The Slayer (Availability unknown.  May never have received a USA VHS or DVD release...even though it's an American film!)
SS Experiment Camp (Available on DVD from Exploitation Digital.  NF offers it on a sourced-from-VHS pan-and-scan version.)
Terror Eyes (aka Night School.  Unavailable on DVD.)
The Werewolf And The Yeti (aka Hall Of The Mountain King and Night Of The Howling Beast.  8th in the Waldemar Daninsky series.  Unavailable on DVD.)
The Witch Who Came From The Sea (NF offers a "save".)

I bet you might be asking what the other 47 films are.  You can find out with a little detective work of your own (you are on the internet, after all) but if you're a patient soul who loves surprises (as I do), just stay tuned here.  The fun hasn't even begun yet!  I'm so excited!  Until next time, friends, my name's Justin.  JustinCase.

...And you will face the sea of darkness, and all therein that may be explored...

The words above, spoken by a disembodied voice near the end of Lucio Fulci's masterpiece E Tu Vivrai Nel Terrore...L'Aldila, are important to me because they are true.  We will face the sea of darkness, and all therein that may be explored.  We each owe a death, and what we will find Beyond is anyone's guess.  Fulci shared his stark vision of it in 1981, and while American audiences were originally given a butchered print going under the name 7 Doors Of Death in 1983, twenty years later the full film was unleashed under its' actual title: The Beyond.

I saw The Beyond by myself in my bedroom on a videocassette, which is appropriate.  I was familiar with some of Fulci's other films, and was a fan of his, and Italian horror in general.  But after I saw The Beyond, that was it.  There was no going back.  I had been shown a feverdream of epic proportions, a nightmare captured on celluloid that refused to budge from my seething cerebellum.  From the sepia-toned opening of a lynchmob (actually a nailchainquicklimemob) to the final shots of The Beyond itself, I was a captive of a masterwork that never should have been.  By all accounts, the film was made much like his others: fast, cheap, and without location sound...but there is something different about it.  Something awe-inducing.  Something terrifying.  Detractors will scoff at the effects (which were great for their time and place), the story (it doesn't have one), even the acting (effectively rendered into pantomime due to the dubbing, another point of contention for naysayers).  The reason they detract is because they missed the point: The Beyond doesn't care.  Like Death Itself, The Beyond is intractable.  You don't like it?  Too bad, you have to deal with it anyway:

"What I wanted to get across with this film was the idea that all of life is often a really terrible nightmare and that our only refuge is to remain in this world, but outside time." ~ Lucio Fulci on L'Aldila

But that's not why I'm here.  Not yet.

I'm here because of Great Britain.  I've lived in California my whole life, and the closest I've been to England is British Columbia.  But the story of the BBFC and the Video Nasties rocks my brain in a way I can't explain.  American film classification is voluntary: If you make a movie and can convince a theatre to show it, you don't need to submit it to the MPAA.  Not so in the UK.  The BBFC (British Board of Film Classification) issues certificates with ratings, but if you don't get one you're outta luck, Jack.  When the Video Cassette Recorder appeared for home use in the early 1980s, there was no regulation.  Video distributors got B-movies cheap, and sensationalism always sold.  Gory, lurid advertisements for films like The Driller Killer (power drill going into a guy's forehead) and SS Experiment Camp (naked woman hung upside down by her feet) drew the ire of conservatives, and the newspapers (fueling public fears about the warping of children by media) garnered this new menace with the moniker "Video Nasty".  The board got tough.  Local constabularies were authorized to seize offending materials and given no real guidelines beyond films that were "obscene".  Video shops got raided all over the country, with the less-than-film-savvy bobbys reportedly seizing The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas because they figured it was a porno.

In 1984, legislation was drafted to regulate the home video industry, and the final tally of films to have found their way on to the list of the BBFC and Director of Public Prosecutions rose to 72, including The Beyond, with two more (Xtro and Shogun Assassin) often included, because while they were seized by some constabularies and rumored to be Nasties, they were never on any official list.

In the end, it came down to two things that the board just could not abide: Sexualized Violence and Genuine Animal Cruelty.  On these two elements, the BBFC stands firm, and some of these flicks are still banned completely to this day.

It is my quest to endure all 72 of the Video Nasties in their unexpurgated state.  This will take a while, due to issues of availability and the desire to retain my sanity.  In some cases (such as The Last House On The Left) entire scenes have been lost, and we have to settle for what remains...which is still more intense than one can stand on a daily basis.

A few things you might want to know: I'm not a lunatic who only cares about gore or a snot who loves to point out flaws or an anonymous ranter who slams for the "pleasure" of slamming.  No.  I love all kinds of movies.  I love exploitation movies because they make no bones about what they are: sleazy entertainment, thank you very much, and if they've thrown in some social commentary or a neat filmmaking trick, it's a bonus to be appreciated and applauded.  Some of these movies contain genuine film of animal cruelty, and at least two contain documentary footage of human deaths as well.  There will be rape, murder, monsters, zombies, cannibals, Nazis, serial killers, werewolves, incest, racism, madmen, madwomen, revenge, possessions, Udo Kier, and a lot of movies with "Don't" in the title.  I'll try to explain why the films were targeted, what you can expect from them, and how difficult they were to obtain.  And don't forget: just because it's not a Nasty, doesn't mean it isn't nasty, and there will be chartered trips to many other bizarre, perverted and terrifying corridors of film.  C'mon.  It'll be fun.  Just be prepared, like me.  My name's Justin.  JustinCase.

AND REMEMBER: To avoid fainting, keep repeating to yourself - "...It's only a movie...It's only a movie...It's only a movie..."